Ben Tattersall Smith lives with his partner Catherine and one-year-old daughter Hannah. The family decided to take up the opportunity of Shared Parental Leave and Ben spent three months caring for their daughter. He tells us all about this rewarding and brilliant experience…
I saw it as a once or twice in a lifetime opportunity to build a deeper bond with my daughter and a stronger day-to-day relationship, rather than just enjoying snatched moments in the evenings or at weekends.
I felt really positive about it and saw it as a chance to immerse myself in fatherhood.
It was very much a joint decision.
We had emotional, practical and financial considerations to take into account, but we talked everything through.
Catherine was very open to it and supportive from the start. I’m very grateful for that.
I feel fortunate to have taken leave when Hannah was eight months old and I returned to work when she was 11 months.
This meant she was that little bit older and more interested in everything around her.
I work as a social media manager at the BBC and they were very supportive. It was always treated as something they would try to accommodate.
The attitude was ‘let’s try to make this work’. My colleagues were really interested in the fact I was doing this and excited for me.
Shared Parental Leave
is designed to give parents flexibility in sharing the care of their child in the first year after birth or adoption. Mums can split up to 50 weeks’ leave with their partner, which can be taken in one block or up to three smaller periods.
I had to consider the effect of taking myself out of the workplace career-wise for three months.
I suppose my worries were being out of the loop and losing contacts or knowledge.
I had a role where knowing people and things, and being a connector, had been important.
To some extent that did happen but it didn’t take long after I returned to feel back in the loop.
I also had to remind myself that thousands of parents, mainly mums of course, have been down this road before so I shouldn’t see myself too much as some special case!
Overall it’s been brilliant. Of course there are moments when you have your fourth dirty nappy of the day and you’re tired.
But on the whole it’s been such a massively rewarding experience to see Hannah developing over this time – responding to certain words and getting stronger on her legs.
Watching her little personality coming through has been great.
A definite
high point was meeting another dad going through the same experience and making a good friend out of it.
We went to NCT meet-ups and various baby groups and classes. I learnt some new songs through these and am now very well versed in ‘Wind the Bobbin up’!
It’s been fun to do all that. We’ve also had playdates at other parents’ houses.
I’ve also made some good mum pals but it’s nice to have a male ally as there are certain things we haven’t experienced like giving birth and breastfeeding!
I recently went to an NCT meet-up where there were an equal number of mums and dads for the first time, which was great.
Every so often you have low moments when you’re tired and find the experience repetitive, especially if you haven’t slept well.
But the positives massively outweigh the negatives. We’re lucky Hannah seems to be in a good place with sleep now. It’s made us all happier, more relaxed and brighter during the day.
Waiting for buses has been a revelation as you watch the second and third go past because they haven’t room for another buggy.
I’ve learnt that leaving the house when you’re on your own with a baby takes much longer.
I am much more in touch with the smaller things and feel I have a much better sense of when Hannah’s happy or sad, what’s going to make her laugh or when she’s tired.
She’s always excited when her mum walks in but she turns to me for comfort too.
I certainly have a better understanding and appreciation of what it was like for Catherine during the first few months of maternity leave.
It’s tiring and emotional and you’re always on the go. Getting a chore done becomes a huge achievement. It’s made me appreciate things I hadn’t before.
I’ve seen the developmental milestones as they’ve happened and have built a deeper bond with Hannah.
Part of me was looking forward to being back at work, using my brain and having more adult contact, but I was equally sad to leave the day-to-day contact with Hannah.
It’s made me really determined to make sure I have a good work-life balance. In the past I’ve been guilty of staying in the office too late or checking work emails too often.
I would definitely do it again, if I could. It was such a rewarding experience.
Obviously there are lots of things to take into consideration, but I’d recommend it to any new dad.
If possible try to have a handover period with your partner so that you can enjoy some time together as a family to mark the end of your partner’s leave and so that you can pass on little details of baby’s routine.
Also don’t be shy about joining in with pre-existing groups. I made a couple of good parent pals by cheekily crashing in on a coffee they were having.
Being a dad on leave is still a bit of a novelty factor so people are interested to hear how you’re getting on.
Having another dad friend around was really great, so if you do meet other fathers, make sure to latch on to them and get their numbers.
Finally, stay off your work emails!
Government information
An overview of how Shared Parental Leave works, what you might be entitled to and how to apply.
NCT information
We explain the basics of Shared Parental Leave and how it could work for your family.
NCT branches
Local branches run lots of activities for parents in their area and you may meet people in the same boat as you.
NCT courses
We run a range of antenatal and postnatal courses to support you through pregnancy, birth and your new life as a parent.
