We had a chat with Tam Rodwell, welder, dad of two and entrepreneur, about his book ‘Becoming daddy’ and his top tips for dads.
Nothing can truly prepare you for fatherhood. No matter how much you think you know, it mostly all goes out the window the moment you hold your baby for the first time.
Slowly the things you’ve learnt and read come back but your ideas on parenting change as you go along.
What really helps is to try and be there as much as you can for your partner during the pregnancy.
Be there as much as you can for your partner during the pregnancy.
The more bonded you become during that time – and the more understanding you are of how she’s feeling – the better you will be able to work together after your baby is born.
I did my best to make sure Louise had stress-free pregnancies with our daughter, Lilly-Josephine and son, Huey.
We did an NCT course and that’s definitely something I’d recommend as well.
Going to an antenatal course is as much about showing your support as anything else. Our NCT teacher helped set our minds at ease by covering everything we needed to know without overwhelming us.
I remember learning simple things like how often to wash a newborn. We assumed you’d need to wash them three times a day but we were told once every few days was fine.
We also learned useful information like how we’d be offered a vitamin K injection for our baby straight after birth.
It helps to know stuff like this as it would have been quite a shock to see a nurse holding up a syringe near our newborn without having the slightest clue what it was or why it was being offered!
I actually decided not to write a chapter about the birth in my book. The birth of your baby is such an amazing and personal moment; I think every father should enjoy it on his own terms, without any expectations or influence from anyone else.
Simple planning and preparation can help you deal with worries.
We had a birth plan and – although babies have a tendency not to stick to any kind of plan – I still think it can be a good idea to write one.
It’s a way for you both to think about how you would like the birth to be.
Simple planning and preparation can also help you deal with any stress or worries. It’s far more useful to immerse yourself in preparation for your baby than worry about the birth itself.
Men often assume that their partner will somehow know exactly what to do with their baby in the early days and weeks.
Usually because they’re terrified of the unknown, men may take a step back hoping that their partner will know how to deal with the new experiences they’re both facing.
Women can sometimes take this reluctance to be involved the wrong way, which can slowly lead to a communication breakdown in a relationship.
Truth is neither of you will probably have a clue what to do at first. You just have to support each other as much as you can.
I was given a few books when we were expecting our daughter but they just didn’t seem to tell me anything that made sense.
I’m not much of a reader and most of them were too long and complicated.
I decided to write a book for men like me about my experiences and how I made mistakes but also got a lot of things right too.
I also wrote about men in general and how we deal with family life. I wanted women to be able to read it and understand why we are the way we are.
Hopefully people who read it will find one or two bits of advice that really help them out, as well as having a good laugh at my expense!
The biggest challenge both mums and dads face these days is the perception of being a ‘perfect parent’ that many feel they have to live up to. There is so much pressure from celebrity culture and social media.
None of those ‘perfect’ images you see on Instagram are as real as they look and should always be taken with a pinch of salt.
I wrote a whole chapter in my book called ‘Be the dad you want to be not the one on TV’.
I’ve always parented the way I wanted and never worried about whatever anyone else was doing or how they looked doing it. I think that’s the best way to be the parent you want to be.
Find out more about Tam and his book by visiting his Facebook page.
We’ve got lots of information and support for dads on our website about pregnancy and parenting.
